Hating The Rules Episode 9

Read episode 9 here: http://bit.ly/compulsionsserial

Twelve hours passed.

It would’ve been nice if I had managed to sleep the necessary eight of them the night before.

Heck, I would’ve been satisfied with two hours of sleep last night. At least then I would’ve gotten a break from this misery.

Bullshit. Calum would follow me into my dreams. He’d done it before.

How could you miss someone so much, less than a full day since you last saw them?

Probably because you aren’t going to see him again anytime soon. If at all.

Because I was a freak.

Because I left him.

Because I couldn’t handle the mere thought of him still having feelings for his ex-fiancé.

You don't have feelings for anyone but him. It’s only fair to expect the same in return.

Very true. I’d adored Corey more than the air I breathed—those feelings were long, long gone, incinerated as they deserved to be.

But it’d been almost four years since the day I’d found him eating out Caroline. More than enough time to push that little bastard out of my system.

It’d been just four months for Calum. It was only human for him to still foster something for Diane.

The mad urge to seek him out and offer to wait for him choked me. As if I wasn’t aware how pathetic I’d become for him.

One: waiting for him is what a woman in love did. A pitiful one at that. I’d be damned if I was going to go as far as stating that I was in love with him. I was a single breath away from collapsing, admitting a truth I wasn’t ready to deal with, and after last night, there was no point.

He’d probably never want to see me again.

Two: some emotions never went away. There was no guarantee that he would ever be emotionally available enough to love me the way I needed.

Yes, I did need love—a hell of a lot of it, actually. The reason I didn't want to be in a relationship was because I didn't believe that type of love existed out there.

Irrevocable. Unconditional. Emotionally and physically faithful to me no matter what.

I refused to settle for less. Never again.

Now, Calum and I were over because of what I needed.

Done.

So why did I keep checking my phone every three seconds?